Turn the Chainsaw Off!
It's 4:27 a.m., what the hell am I doing up? So you decided to come to bed at 2:30 a.m., then you claim you can't sleep. There has never been a time in which your head hit the pillow and you were lying vertically, that you could not sleep. Well maybe once. I give you a cuddle, a back rub and soon I can feel you relaxing and breathing deeply. Finally! You deserve some rest, I know that work was not a cup of tea today.
Now I'm wide awake, not because I'm not sleepy but because the decibels that are resonating from your mouth and nose are hurting my ears. Why do men snore? I think I do too, you've said so but not every night and not like a chainsaw, I think like a cute little bird or puppy. Plus I sleep on my stomach.
Remember when we first met and you claimed you did not snore and no other girlfriend, your ex-wife included, had ever complained. Well those women were either saints, deaf in one or both ears or wearing ear plugs. I had to do a sound recording on my digital camera to get you to believe me, after I took a few nude photos of you with your mouth open of course. Anyways, you keep saying to poke and turn you, well I don't like to do that cuz it wakes you up. I'd rather get up a while, let you have the bed to yourself and when I'm drop dead tired, I'll come to bed and place a pillow over your head....Gently.
Now I'm wide awake, not because I'm not sleepy but because the decibels that are resonating from your mouth and nose are hurting my ears. Why do men snore? I think I do too, you've said so but not every night and not like a chainsaw, I think like a cute little bird or puppy. Plus I sleep on my stomach.
Remember when we first met and you claimed you did not snore and no other girlfriend, your ex-wife included, had ever complained. Well those women were either saints, deaf in one or both ears or wearing ear plugs. I had to do a sound recording on my digital camera to get you to believe me, after I took a few nude photos of you with your mouth open of course. Anyways, you keep saying to poke and turn you, well I don't like to do that cuz it wakes you up. I'd rather get up a while, let you have the bed to yourself and when I'm drop dead tired, I'll come to bed and place a pillow over your head....Gently.
posted by The Missus Complains at 4:27 AM
6 Comments:
My husband snores REALLY loud. I just poke him while he sleeps until he rolls over and stops.
My wife just elbows me until I stop. Maybe one of those nasal strips?
Oh dear gawwwwd - SNORING!! Jeez, Missus, you've hit on a big one here. My hubby drives me absolutely BONKERS w/it. I usually resort to sleeping in the guest room. I'm starting to think I should just make that MY bedroom and go climb into his bed whenever I want a little action. LOL!
Here's a funny little story for ya: My sis once got so fed up w/her hubby's loud snoring that she poured a glass of water into his mouth. He 'bout choked to death!, coming awake REAL fast w/"what the f---?" LOL!
Ya know... maybe those couples of days past were onto something when they had their own, separate bedrooms. What do ya think? LOL
In defense of the snorers: we can't help it! Just nudge away, I always roll over, and that's the only thing that helps. If I get to sleeping on my back, forget it! All there is to do is nudge. . .
'fraid not, jax peach. LOL! Not in this household. Nudge, pinch, elbow, mumbling, "Honeyyyyy! Turn over!", exclamations of "Shut UPPP!" Nothing helps sometimes. Just move to the guest bed or couch & get some sleep. LOL!
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