Who's Depressed Here?
Last summer was the worst summer of my life. My then boyfriend just quit a 110K a year job for a company he was working for. He had been with said company for over 10 years and he got really depressed. I was only one of a few girls he was dating but in the end, I stuck it out with him the best and so he and I became an item and started seeing each other exclusively. When I first met him, he was a gem of a man, really exciting and he spoiled me rotten. But after a year with no job, he was going downhill fast. Not long after he quit his job, he lost control of his finances and I had to take over. I am still in debt because of this.
It had been getting progressively worse when one day, I noticed I really had to do something. I called a psychiatrist and began begging him to go for a visit and take meds for his depression. He was going for a few weeks then on a weekend trip away, I noticed he was really slipping away and called for an emergency doctors visit. I went with him this time and told the doctor the real story, he was not taking care of himself, not eating, sitting at the computer for hours, dragged dog shit into the house and did not clean it up, bad news really. The doctor asked if he needed to be hospitalized and I said "not yet." We tried all kinds of meds for his symptoms, anti-psychotics for the bad thoughts he was having, lithium, in case he was manic depressive, one to help him sleep and one for the depression. A last resort if all the meds did not work, was the electroshock therapy, we were close... After the first day I went with him to the doctors, he asked me to come from then on, we were a team he said and he needed my input.
Long story short, all the pills did something to him, he says they did nothing, but I disagree. You can't take all those meds and it not have an effect. Anyways I think they jolted his mind and body somehow, slowly he got better. We were married in a "quickie" ceremony at his suggestion and became man and wife. Now that we have moved and he is showing the same signs again I think he may be depressed. We talked about this last night and he has started running again to try to pull himself upright. He's doing well and looks fantastic, he says though it is me who is slipping downward. In my mind I had already stuck this man for worse and I could not wait for the for better part to start, it hasn't yet.
I feel strange, I never thought I could ever become depressed, I'm too positive. He says I am resentful, angry and venomous almost all the time now. It's true I don't leave the house much, it's true I have no one here, and it's true I've been having bad thoughts. Last night he said "I'm used to pain, and I wish I could take your pain away." I felt a bit better, he understands. I do feel a bit sad and like things are hopeless here. We can't move and I am trapped in this place. I can make the best of it I suppose but there is no inclination and no energy.
It had been getting progressively worse when one day, I noticed I really had to do something. I called a psychiatrist and began begging him to go for a visit and take meds for his depression. He was going for a few weeks then on a weekend trip away, I noticed he was really slipping away and called for an emergency doctors visit. I went with him this time and told the doctor the real story, he was not taking care of himself, not eating, sitting at the computer for hours, dragged dog shit into the house and did not clean it up, bad news really. The doctor asked if he needed to be hospitalized and I said "not yet." We tried all kinds of meds for his symptoms, anti-psychotics for the bad thoughts he was having, lithium, in case he was manic depressive, one to help him sleep and one for the depression. A last resort if all the meds did not work, was the electroshock therapy, we were close... After the first day I went with him to the doctors, he asked me to come from then on, we were a team he said and he needed my input.
Long story short, all the pills did something to him, he says they did nothing, but I disagree. You can't take all those meds and it not have an effect. Anyways I think they jolted his mind and body somehow, slowly he got better. We were married in a "quickie" ceremony at his suggestion and became man and wife. Now that we have moved and he is showing the same signs again I think he may be depressed. We talked about this last night and he has started running again to try to pull himself upright. He's doing well and looks fantastic, he says though it is me who is slipping downward. In my mind I had already stuck this man for worse and I could not wait for the for better part to start, it hasn't yet.
I feel strange, I never thought I could ever become depressed, I'm too positive. He says I am resentful, angry and venomous almost all the time now. It's true I don't leave the house much, it's true I have no one here, and it's true I've been having bad thoughts. Last night he said "I'm used to pain, and I wish I could take your pain away." I felt a bit better, he understands. I do feel a bit sad and like things are hopeless here. We can't move and I am trapped in this place. I can make the best of it I suppose but there is no inclination and no energy.
posted by The Missus Complains at 11:08 PM
5 Comments:
I've seen it happen a couple of times when one person is suffering from depression and their partner follows suit. Take care, of both of you :).
I don't know the details of your situation, whether you've started making your own life there yet, but I will say this. It's not about making the "best" of it. It's literally about making a life.
Whether you're depressed or not, it does sound as if you'd be happier if you could find other hobbies, interests. You've just given up your WHOLE life to be with this man, and that kind of dependence on one person isn't healthy long term. A is finding something similar. It's all MY friends, MY town, MY life, and he's realizing that he needs to find things that are just his. For his sanity.
I really do feel for you, but I still think you guys can get through this. The transition you're making is a tough one under the best of circumstances. It sounds like you have some other additional stresses going on too, but if you guys can get on the same page and both starting working on finding happiness, you'll be fine.
Still thinking of you...
I agree with fwiw.
And get outta that house, girl!!! LOL You need some AIR! Take a walk... find a trail... ride a bike... garden... just something that's JUST FOR YOU & outside.
I'll third that. JOIN A CLUB, START A CLUB, JOIN A GYM, STRIKE UP CONVERSATIONS WITH THE GIRLS IN YOUR AEROBICS CLASS/BOOK CLUB/APT. COMPLEX SWIMMING POOL! It is imperative. I quote my blog: no woman is a testerone island.
Take up a major hobby. I also agree that it needs to be outside. I just followed this advise within the last 4 months and look at the pictures this advice has given me.
You never know, you might be a champion gardner, but you can't garden in front the computer:)
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