Un-Emotional

This week the hubby is gone on business. I have written him a note a day, so far it's day 4. Half of them are heavy and sad, half of them are short and sweet. The heavy ones are mainly about how I feel right now, how I wish we melded better and how I am missing my family, how I hope he understands that I am not myself right now. The other night he said he was not sure how to get me out of this phase and asked me why I seemed to want to destroy myself and our relationship. I have no answers, I don't know why.....All I know is that I am a bit depressed.

In the past I have written him short notes, sweet ones. Sometimes he does not comment on them or he reads them and casts them aside. I'm not sure what they mean to him. I am one of the only people I know that has, not only now, but since I was a child taken the time and the caring to handwrite notes/letters/thank-you cards to friends and family. He often does not acknowledge them. I have to ask if he received my note, what did he think etc....Why is getting him to open up like pulling teeth? Are all men like this? I swear he was not this bad when we were dating. When he comes home this weekend, I hope he takes the time to read them. I hope he sees that I realize my faults and deficiencies and want him to let me know how I can be a better partner to him. Maybe he will offer a bit of the same.