Libido or lack thereof

Sorry for the lack of posts, I have been just lazy lately. The marriage has been fine but last week we had s very interesting conversation. First let me fill you in on all the hidden background stuff...

My man was a real Casanova when I met him. He was dating around and had a reputation of being self-assured, arrogant and sometimes a real asshole. More than one person warned me not to believe some of the things he said as they are mostly tall tales of women, cars, and other conquests. Ahem, I think you get my point.

When we first started dating, he had the libido of a 25-year-old even though he was older. We could scarcely watch a movie at home without him trying to remove an article of clothing of mine, he had a double Jacuzzi jetted tub and we often took baths together, we often crawled into bed right after dinner and left the dishes on the dining room table.

Fast forward to last week.

I ask "Honey, are we just going to have conception sex and none of the fun stuff? Can you even remember the last time you kissed me on the mouth?"

Silence. "I think 4 days ago."

"We've been using up KY like crazy since we're only having sex to have a kid."

He replies "Well my libido is not what it used to be, after 2002 it started going a bit downhill. I used to need to do at least 6-8 girls a week."

"I know, I've heard about your escapades from your friends. Can I get some of that or is your wife off-limits?"

"I can't explain it, I don't know what to tell you, I'm just not that interested."

"You know what they say about women in their 30's, we're the horniest beasts alive."

He chuckles "Yeah, when I was 19 and 20, I remember a few 30-year-olds."

I promptly elbow him in the ribs.

"Why am I getting the shaft?" I ask.

"You are not getting the shaft, I love you more than anyone and you are my favorite."

"Can you show me I'm your favorite with an erect penis?"

More silence.

"You are so crass."

"Horny nights call for crass measures." I reply.

Nada.

The End

Secret Sauce

Our lives are trudging steadily along better than last month. We had a few guests come over; it's amazing to see how good friends can lift your spirits. The hubby was happy, conversational, and really delighted to have the company. We went out to dinner, walked about town and basically hung out as we got to know one another again.

Our one year anniversary is coming up very soon. I have not felt like a newlywed in many, many months. This move, this job that he hates, my homesickness all have taken a toll on our marriage. For my anniversary I've asked for a home cooked meal by my husband. He is a great cook and for the last 8 months has not lifted a finger in the kitchen. I hope to get his creative juices flowing again, as he used to be very proud of is skills.

Sometime almost two years ago, I came over to his apartment for a little dinner and dessert. While I was eating a homemade pear strudel we chatted:

"Wow, did you make this?" I ask.

"Yes I did, want to know my secret?" he asks?

"Yeah sure, what's your secret?"

"It's the sauce, it's creme anglaise" we say creme anglaise in
unison.

"I know what sauce this is, I make it myself" I say. "It's fantastic."

"You know how many girls I've gotten with that sauce and my pear strudel?"

"No, how many?"

"Lots."

"Really, do they basically start stripping and gyrating after the first bite?"

"Yeah,basically."

"Well I am not most girls!" I proceed to throw a well aimed fork right at his
shoulder. I think that taught him a lesson.

"Ouch, you threw a fork at me."

"And my point is, don't say things you know I won't like. Especially while I am eating."

The End

Conception Denied

After a month of really trying, ovulation test kits and the like, we are not pregnant. The hubby says the stress of it all is preventing me from getting knocked up. This month we are going to try again. When he came to bed last night he claimed I was totally unapproachable and rude. I remember nothing...He used the words "elbow, eye, yelled and snoring" all in the same sentence. Was I really such a boar? Our schedules are still not in sync and so it's hard. Why does he not get this. There are days we have to do it! I know my body and know about when the right time is. I don't want to go to bed, fall asleep and be awaken for conception sex...that is something that will surely make someone grumpy. How about you fertilize me then go back to your computer game so I can get some uninterrupted rest?